Self Care Series: Housework

Hello! Welcome to my newsletter.

The purpose of this newsletter is to share with you how I handle every day life with ADHD, but without ADHD medication. I will share tips, tools and strategies for you to introduce in to your own life so you too can manage your ADHD.

Time to read: 5m57s

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In this week’s newsletter were going to be carrying on with my little series on self-care, this time… housework.

The ‘C’ word is completely banned in my house. No, not that one, or that one… I’m talking about the word ‘chores’. I hate doing chores around the house, or ‘housework’.

Throughout my childhood we had a cleaner. She used to bring me tubes of smarties and hide them around the house for me to find, it was like I had a bonus grandma and I loved her so much. It did always feel a bit ‘posh’ to have a cleaner, although we were far from posh! And I did often wonder why we had one, when most of my friends didn’t.

When I moved out of home for the first time I very quickly realised why my mum had a cleaner all those years. Cleaning sucks. It’s boring, it takes ages, as soon as you tidy a room, it gets messy again. It’s a vicious non-stop cycle. Plus, add in not one but two Labradors and you just ain’t ever gonna keep your house clean.

So why is cleaning so hard for those with ADHD?

Executive functioning can be thought of as your brain’s command centre. It’s responsible for planning, organisation, decision-making, self-control, problem-solving, things like that. If you have ADHD, your brain still has a command centre, but it’s ran by an unpredictable monkey that gets distracted very easily and leaves the center unmanned on a regular basis!

For a lot of people with ADHD, what this looks like is a struggle initiate and complete tasks. So what is probably seen as a simple tasks to some (i.e. cleaning) for us it is super challenging and overwhelming and impossible to even start, never mind finish.

But wait, it gets even better, what then often happens, when us ADHD peeps don’t clean, is we get overwhelmed with crippling anxiety and guilt, and feel ashamed and inadequate. This then leads to feeling low and depressed, which in turn leads to low energy and zero motivation. So even if we wanted to clean, we couldn’t (also known as ADHD paralysis).

Top tips to channel your inner Kim & Aggie

(If you’re not an oldie like me, Kim and Aggie were the stars of the 00’s show ‘How clean is your house?’. They were expert cleaners who used to visit dirty house and clean them up!)

1. Try breaking down the tasks you need to do into smaller chunks. Don’t try and clean the whole house in one go. Start with a room, or go smaller. If wiping the coffee table in the living room is the most you can manage, great, start with that.

   You can set a timer, work in 10 minute bursts. Sometimes, this might even end up being longer if you find yourself in the groove. I finds putting on some music or watching some crap TV show (Love Island for the win) helps take my mind of the task at hand.

2. Buddy up. I’ve recently started joining a body-doubling zoom call on a Tuesday morning. I don’t think I’ve ever got as much work done in an hour before. This doesn’t have to be in-person, especially if you feel embarrassed about the state of your house, get a friend on a Zoom call and clean away knowing they are there for support and accountability. It could even be a partner or housemate, if you live with someone else, ask them to clean with you to get more done.

3. Treat yo’self. Cleaning itself does not give the dopamine. So to stay motivated, how about giving yourself a reward once you’ve cleaned? For example, if, like me, you like a good scroll, then reward yourself with 10 minutes scrolling for every 20 minutes of cleaning. Or perhaps you have a sweet tooth, also like me, then maybe a little choccy bar as a reward for hoovering the stairs? (Note: if rewarding with food, please remember to stay healthy and not go too mad!)

   Maybe you want to go for a nice walk or to a new wild swimming spot, challenge yourself to do one chore before you go. When you do and you step in to that water, you’re going to appreciate it so much more.

4. Routine. I absolutely crave routine and structure, in every aspect of my life. Without it, I’m a mess. It’s the same with housework, creating a routine that’s relatively easy to stick to can be the answer to all your household chore nightmares. It has to be flexible and suitable for your needs though. I’ve seen so many people/apps etc offering routines to print off and use, but they haven’t been created with your specific needs in mind. Think about what will work for you. Are you better early in the morning? Is 30 minutes a day your goal? Or maybe a whole day every 2 weeks? Your routine needs to match what you’re able to do, otherwise you’ll crumble before you’ve even started.

5. Don’t do the things you hate. **I hate doing laundry. Every single step, I hate. And the feeling of wet clothes straight out of the washing machine, I can’t think of anything worse. So I don’t do it. My partner does ALL the washing in our house. I do most other things (housework wise) so it’s a fair swap. Even if you live alone, something like washing, if you struggle with it, outsource it! Take it to the launderette. If you really hate to clean, and you can afford it, get a cleaner! We’ve had a cleaner on and off over the last couple of years. She’s been especially helpful when I’ve had tougher periods, and the struggle to clean has been at it’s worst.

6. Accept your version of perfection. No one, and I mean no one, expects your house to look like a magazine spread. Whatever ‘good enough’ means for you, is good enough. Your house doesn’t need to be spotless 24/7. It doesn’t need to be clutter free, all the time (it can actually never be clutter free, my house is essentially just a big pile of clutter!).

Final Thoughts

Housework with ADHD isn’t about achieving perfection, but finding ways that work for you.

Remember, what looks like a “simple task” to others might be a mountain for you, and that’s okay. Give yourself credit for every step you take, even if it’s just wiping that coffee table!

Take breaks, reward yourself, and always find a routine that’s flexible enough to honor your unique needs. You don’t have to love it, but with the right strategies, you can manage it without letting it manage you.

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I hope you find what I write interesting, helpful and sometimes funny! And if you do, I'd love it if you shared what I am saying with others.

Applications are now open for coaching with me, if you would like to apply please follow this link: https://app.youform.com/forms/ccaga68h

Carly x